A Day in the Skool Life of Invader Zim
by poweredtoenail
Summary: All in the title. If you flame, we poke... with pointy stick, yes.


A Day in the Skool Life of Invader Zim

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Mysterious Narrators: We are here to advise you all of the incoming stupidity and learning. This was originally a co-op school project (yes, WAS), but we felt that the sheer stupid contained in this package was worthy of showing off (yes, we seek to show off our stupid… -ness, because we seek to fry your brains and conquer the planet, because that's what Irkens do best, and we are- … what? What do you mean we're exposing our pla- oh……. You! Yea, you there reading this… ignore these parentheses…). There is learning ahead (being an ex-project and all), so if you hate knowledge, beware. There is also pure stupid ahead… so if that hurteth teh brainz, be-MORE-ware. And if you try to flame us, do your worst, because we have MARSHMELLOWS (and a firewall and spf 120 and a water gun and a… "chocolate" flinging angry monkey… AND A PIG WITH WINGS)! Now… prepare for storytime as you've never processed it before. FEAR OUR STORYTIME-OMNISCIENCE!

One day in a very dirty school, where there are oddly shaped kids of modest intelligence, a green alien disguised as a green child (whom no one notices), and a boy with a large head, a creepy teacher of the shadows talks about 1920s.

Ms. Bitters begins the lecture with "The horrible amendment that gave women the right to vote." She rambles on about how the right made them equal to men, and how "It lead to a horrible decline in women's morality." Because women saw themselves as men's equal, they felt that they didn't have to confine themselves to the "traditional ways," starting a rebellion towards the ways of old. This resulted in "dooming" behavior, which bore the "terrible, horrible, doomed society that is today."

"It is because of this ever-so-horrible event that-" the green alien boy, Zim, intervened Ms. Bitter's teaching, yelling, "That the female squishy humans are SO pathetic! BWAhahahaha!" It is then that all the girls in the class dog-piled the green child in a cloud of fist. "Thank you, students, that was horrible," Ms. Bitters replied to the mountain of girls on top of Zim. Dib, the large-headed boy, quickly pulled out a camera, taking hundreds of pictures of the suffering Zim from hundreds of angles in mere seconds. As the class settled down, Ms. Bitters continued, saying, "The amendment led to horrible behavior, which led to more horrible things, such as the 'flappers' who were doomed to be ridiculed by older generations."

A random child in the back of the class shot up his hand, asking "Ms. Bitters, who were these so-called 'flappers'?" Ms. Bitters replied, "Flappers were horrible young girls with unacceptable behavior, with small clothing, short hair, and no regards for authority. These horrible girls did as they pleased, and their reckless actions are the model for today's lifestyle, which we, sadly, now call 'normal'."

The child raised his hand again, "Did flappers have wings?" "… No. You're horrible. To the underground classroom with you." Ms. Bitters slammed a big red button on her desk, opening a large slot underneath the child, plummeting him into a dark abyss. Ms. Bitters stared down Dib, questioning, "Would you like to join him?" "No, mam'." Dib's voice quivered as he looked at her, wide-eyed. Ms. Bitters closed the topic on flappers saying, "These terrible women endangered the environment then, and they still do today."

"One of the horrible things flappers did was enjoy 'giggle water,' an unhealthy soda, alongside their fellow cake-eaters behind the backs of the government, which, at the time, was highly illegal. The law provoked people to drink giggle water more and lead to speakeasies, which were secret shops that sold giggle water, and gangsters, who smuggled the giggle water. Basically, it increased crime."

All of a sudden Gir, Zim's robot sick-kick who is poorly disguised as a dog, flew smack into the window. "GIGGLE WATER? THAT SOUNDS DELISIOUS!" Gir began licking the glass. Zim's eyes bulged out of his head as he saw Gir. "Gir, what are you doing?!" Ms. Bitters stared down Zim, angrily saying, "No pets allowed at school. Underground classroom!" Ms. Bitters slamed her button again and a large gaping hole opened underneath Zim, plummeting him to his "Doooooooom…" Ms. Bitters hissed.

It's lunchtime at "skool." As mystery meat was flying across the cafeteria, Dib began talking to his scary purple-haired sister, Gaz, about his extra-credit report on movies in the 1920s. "So, in simpler words, because of the advancing technology, housework was made faster and easier, giving people much more free time. Thus, movies were created as a way to kill time. But, these movies excited people in, uhh… a… bad… way." "Why are you even talking to me?" Gaz growled at Dib without pulling her eyesight away from her Game Slave 2.

Zim then abruptly fell in front of Dib, gasping for air. Dib raised an eyebrow. "Zim? How'd you get out of the underground classroom? _… I was hoping you wouldn't get out…_" "Ack! … Such… horrific things… it was dreadful…" Zim choked, "… _dreeeadful_…" his voice shook. Dib then grinned widely and ominously. "Well, it's a good thing then…" "Eh?" "Next class is P.E., and we're playing dodgeball. I look forward making you feel worse…" Dib chuckled as he walked away. Zim quickly turned to Gaz, got on his knees, and clutched her ankles. "You! Purple child! _Heeelp meee_…" "… No…" Gaz kicked Zim across the room and walked away.

It's P.E. time and everyone is outside on the basketball court. Gir flies in and watches the dodgeball game. Gir then begins to access his unused, dusty, spider-webby databanks to learn more about sports, which was first broadcasted in the 1920s. [Accessing… as technology advanced in the 1920s, sports became more advertised and popular and provided another way to pass time. No known issues. Sports did, however, expand open the world of entertainment.]

Dib pulled out a small chip and threw it on the floor. It then transformed into a lager-than-child dodgeball turret, and Dib proceeded to pelt Zim with dodgeballs. "WHY ME?!" the green child screamed as he was bombarded with red rubber spheres of doom. Dib laughed manically as he abused the turret, to the point where it overheated and blew up, leaving Dib just standing there, smoldering black. The hideous girl known as Tak then appeared from nowhere. "I heard what you said about females," she said. Tak then threw a barbeque-coated piece of meat at the fallen Zim. Due to the properties of his alien skin, he began to sizzle and smoke as he ran in circles on the floor.

Back in the classroom, Ms. Bitters began to talk to the class about Marcus Garvey. "Marcus Garvey was a man doomed from the start of his life. He wrote a book called 'Back to Africa' and it told, to be politically correct, African Americans to go back to Africa to escape the 'cruel, unfair, horrible Americans.' After millions gathered, the attempt failed because of faulty boats. He was then deported as an 'undesirable,' like that big headed child." "MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!" Dib yelled. "Yes it is!" another child from the back echoed.

"Another example of an undesirable," Ms. Bitters continued, "is that green child over there." "The creepy Earthling LIES!!!" retorted Zim. Ms. Bitters resumed, "This event brought horrible shame to the Africans." Dib raised his hand. "Ms. Bitters, why do you enjoy the word 'horrible' so much?" Ms. Bitters glared at him blankly before pressing her big red button and sending him to the Under-class. Zim began to laugh manically, but slowly stopped as he realized the whole class was looking at him. "Heheheh… heh… ah-hem……. Carry on." Ms. Bitters scowled at Zim before proceeding. "Garvey's actions were some of the things that lead to the revival of the KKK."

"The Ku Klux Klan was a hate group that despised African Americans, immigrants, Catholics, communist, and Semitics; Basically, anything that was non-American. They started violence and terrorized many people." A student raised his hand. "Why were they so bad?" "Because they were so American that they hated all un-Americans and un-American things, as well as all then-current vices. Like how that green boy hates humans." "Banana oil! I am a mere human boy, like any other filthy animal in here." Zim interrupted.

Ms. Bitters ignored Zim and carried on saying, "They had existed before, but were resurrected by all the 'impurities' of the 1920s." Zim cut off Ms. Bitters again, sarcastically grinning, "Impure? This planet is so wonderful, it's as pure as dirt!" The whole class looked at Zim intensely before assaulting him with clumps of dirt. "HAHAHAHAHAHA! Incompetent squishies!" Then a boulder flew from nowhere and smashed Zim through a wall.

Ms. Bitters ignored the large hole in the wall and continued, "Not only did the KKK scare many, but so did communism. When communist revolutionaries took over Russia, Americans feared that they would suffer the same dooming fate, and were scared to the point of calling it the 'Red Scare.' This prompted Attorney General Mitchell Palmer begin the 'Palmer Raids,' which lead to the deportation and jailing of Soviet immigrants, be they guilty or not, in hopes of stopping the spread of Commies." Ms. Bitters slammed the table and mumbled unintelligibly about the Communist. Another random child raised his hand to ask, "Was it really red and scary?" Ms. Bitters simply replied "Yes, very."

As the school bell rang, Ms. Bitters pointed to the door, saying "Go home now!" As all the kids ran out the large hole in the wall, Zim returned in time to see Dib barely climbing out of the seemingly bottomless pit to the Under-class. "Free! I'm free!" Zim smirked, "A perfect way to end this wretched day." Zim then went on to kick Dib back into the pit. "Meeeeh heh heh heh-OOF!" Before Zim had time to finish his evil laugh, Gaz appeared from nowhere and kicked him into the pit as well. An explosion then randomly formed above the hole, filling it with debris. Gaz then pulled out her Game Slave 2 and walked away, muttering "Loser…"

Authors' Notes:

Mysterious Narrators:

* "Giggle Water" is a term we used for censorship reasons. That, and it was a vocab term we had to use.

* Here, Tak survived her last encounter with Zim. What's with her random attack? She hates Zim. What's she doing now? Plotting her next plot to "steal" Zim mission (until then, she just appears at random just to torture our favorite, green, bite-sized menace). How'd she return to Earth? Actually… we have no idea…

* Why does Dib seem so evil? He's not, he just don't like Zim.

* Why did Gir lick the window? … Because he's Gir, what do you expect?

* Why did we torment Zim so much? We only do it because we love him… and it's ridiculously funny!

Zim: I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!

Mysterious Narrators: Riiiiiiiight…

* What's with the explosion at the end? Well, that Gaz for you: capable of the scariest things…

* Exactly what's IN the Under-Class? The world may never know… On a very serious note, we took an expedition trip into the Under-Class to investigate… *Shivers* … We will bring you a full report soon… as soon as we stop having nightmares about it…

Invader Zim (c) Jhonen Vasquez

A Day in the Skool Life of Invader Zim (Fan-Project-Fiction) (c) Us, the Almighty Mysterious Irken Narrators

Pig with Wings (c) Almighty Mysterious Irken Narrators

Mysterious Narrators: We own nothing… except this pointy stick!

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